#12-273
Singapore 130038
3rd September 2009
Ms Teh Loo Lim
Human Resource Manager
Global Active Limited
9 Ubi Crescent
Singapore 408572
Dear Ms Teh,
Sports Specialist, Job Reference No. JDBS144175601
I am writing in response to the position of Sports Specialist advertised on JobsDB.com on the 2nd September 2009, under the above mentioned reference number. The position on offer is very enticing and I believe I possess the appropriate qualifications and experience required for the job.
With reference to your stated job requirement of having a passion for sports, I feel I am a suitable candidate. I am an avid triathlete and regularly compete in both local and regional triathlons. In addition to that, I am a keen participant in other endurance related sports such as marathons, duathlons, aquathlons. I also have a fair amount of experience in team sports with prior involvement in hockey, floor-ball and football during my secondary school and junior college days.
In accordance with the job requirements of giving talks, I am equally adept. As stated in my resume, I have captained 3 different teams in track, hockey and aquathlon. Therefore, I am used to speaking in front of an audience and will have little problems giving talks on a subject matter I am familiar with. I believe the people skills that I have developed serving under the different executive committees will prove to be an asset for the company in this aspect of the job requirement.
I currently work in Passione Bicycles, an outlet specialising in road and triathlon bicycles. In managing the accounts of the shop and conducting sales, I have learnt the fundamentals required in sales. My involvement in sports has also taught me how to effectively manage people and relationships within a group, both of which will prove useful under the job requirement of sales. I am a team player, and I am very willing to learn the finer aspects of sales, be it from my colleagues or from experiences amassed on the job.
I will be graduating from the National University of Singapore in May 2010, with a Bachelor of Science (Honours) in Life Sciences, specialising in Biomedical Sciences. The modules I have taken in university, including Metabolism, Cardiology and Physiology has given me a clear understanding of sports physiology. I believe it will be relevant and useful when conducting talks on sports nutrition and supplements. Furthermore, having trained under various coaches, I have a clear grasp of training methodology which I can advise potential customers on as a bonus. I am keen to apply these skills in a career setting such as that of a Sports Specialist, offered by Global Active Limited.
Currently, the sports nutrition scene is dominated by an oligopoly of companies including First Endurance, Powerbar and 3nergy. With Global Active Limited currently seeking to enter the fray, I believe that I have a lot to offer the company. With that I enclose my resume and hope that you look affirmatively upon my application. I hope to be considered for an interview and I look forward to your reply.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read my application.
Yours sincerely,
Aldrich Koh
Enclosed: Resume
*Please refer to previous post for job advertisment*
Hi Aldrich,
ReplyDeleteGreat letter! I think that you are very qualified for this job and that you certainly show an interest in this field with all your sports-related experiences (and your other blog posts). Your accomplishments are impressive and I feel that the HR manager would be impressed by your application, as I was. Haha. I also think that the letter has an active voice and sounds persuasive in getting readers to a) continue reading and b) hire you (or at least arrange an interview).
Furthermore, I feel that the letter is rather good according to the 7Cs. It is clear and concise; there is an evident letter structure and the language is easy to understand. However, I feel that you could use ‘that’ in your letter, for example, ‘I feel that I am a suitable candidate'. I read that these are some minor language details to note for a formal letter. Also, I think that you mean ‘oligopoly’ not ‘oligarchy’. Oligarchy may have a pretty similar meaning but it is used in a different context, not in the business field. Be careful with the more foreign words.
On the other hand, the format is definitely correct and the letter gives a good picture of your passion for sports and how the company can benefit from you joining them. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Cheers,
Abigail
Hi Abigail,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your suggestions. I would not have spotted the mistakes without your help. I have made the relevant changes. Much appreciated.
rgds,
aldrich
Dear Aldrich,
ReplyDeleteI see that your application letter is well formatted and there is proper spacing. You have also iterated on your strong interest in sports as required. You have also shown you are adept in giving talks and performing sales. If I were the employer I would definitely give you a opportunity. The requirement for strong written English is also fulfilled.
One change you could make is perhaps removing the part about your enclosed resume in the main body. This is since you have mentioned your enclosed resume at the end. Maybe you could mention when you are able to start work too if you wish.
Keep up the good work!
Cheers,
Ken Jie
Hi Aldrich,
ReplyDeleteIn paragraph 2, you might want to give 1 or 2 names of the endurance sports that you have participated in or the number of years you have been engaged in that sports. I think this would give a more concrete evidence of your passion.
In paragraph 3, should it be “interpersonal skills” or “people skills”? I am not sure about this though.
Your letter is easy to understand and it is also very convincing. There was good linkage to the requirements of the job and the paragraphs are well organized. The way you ended your letter is very impressive. The market analysis part shows your passion for the job. Well done.
Cheers,
Chee Siang
Hi Aldrich! Before reading the application letter, once I see your physique, I will definitely throw the job to you straightaway! After reading your application letter, I am more determined to offer you this Sport Specialist job position. You have explicitly stated the job requirements and meticulously linked them to the skills and experience you have gathered. Your academic qualifications and modules taken were of close relevance to the job, and I believe that this is a perfect job for you. You have apparently taken a different content organization with the listing of job experience relevance in the first few paragraphs and then your qualifications at the back. I find it alright and thus organization of the letter is okay.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I do have some suggestions that you may consider heeding:
-In the fifth paragraph, under the portion whereby you mentioned you used to be trained under various coaches, you can perhaps add in a few names (the more reputable ones) to strengthen your credibility based on their build up of reputation in the sports field.
-I like the idea of the sixth paragraph whereby you show to Global Active Limited that you have always kept a lookout on the sports nutrition market. However, after mentioning the trio dominating the sports nutrition market, maybe you can list out some personal goals you have such that the company can benefit from it.
In all, the application letter keeps me reading and makes me interested in some ways or another to be a Sports Specialist too. Great work and I hope to see you get employed by the company soon!
Regards,
Ivan
Hi Aldrich, you're hired!
ReplyDeleteI think the letter's great and well-written! You'll definitely impress me if I'm Ms Teh. The use of active voice with a hint of enthusiasm really works for your application letter and makes the reader wants to read on.
I like it that you managed to relate your university course to the job which, actually gives you a certain edge over other applicants without a background knowledge in Biology. You highlighted your past job/appointments experiences well, all of which fits the requirements of the job to a T. Your strong command in the English language is also evident in this very organised letter. The use of 7C's is also observed! Well done!
However, you may like to consider doing away with the sentence "prior involvement in hockey, floor-ball and football in my junior college and secondary school days..." I felt that it was a little repetitive as you provided the same piece of information in the later paragraphs.
Just my two cents worth!
Cheers,
Yuan Ru